Final Fantasy Insanity!
by Azalia
Summary: Rat hunting, a twisted volleyball game and GF's acting out LoTR?! What is going on here?!! The answer, TOTAL INSANITY!!!*New Chapter!* LoTR GF Style!
1. Rat Race

Silence: Oh gosh I can't believe I wrote this! Oh well I figured I'd put it up anyway even though it is random, pointless and maybe semi-funny in a twisted way. Once again I do not own any characters from Final Fantasy VIII so don't sue me!

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(( Scene opens with Rinoa and Selphie standing on chairs while Squall and Quistis search under anything and everything in the room.))

Selphie: Sheesh how hard is it to find one stupid rat?

Quistis: If you think it's so easy then why don't you get down here and help search?!

Selphie: Sorry but I'll pass on that.

Squall: Are you sure there's a rat in here?

Rinoa: I know I saw it! That thing was big enough to fill out a job application!

Quistis: Rinoa aren't you exaggerating a little to much?

Rinoa: I'm not exaggerating that rat was huge!

Squall: Hey Quistis get the net I think I've got that rat cornered!

Quistis: I don't have the stupid net!

Selphie: Well who does?!

Rinoa: ZELL GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE!

Zell: (Walks in with a dead rat tied to a stick.) What now?

Squall: Where'd you put the net?

Zell: Hey I can't cook these rats as fast as you're catching them.

Selphie: Eeeeeeewwww gross Zell!

Rinoa: I think I'm going to throw up.

Quistis: Zell just give him the net.

Zell: Alright, alright sheesh. (Hands Squall the net.)

Squall:(Takes the net) So who dives after the rat?

Quistis: I'll do it, you life up the desk. (Takes the net and stands beside the desk.)

Zell: Is this really going to work?

Irvine: (Walks in with his shotgun) I really seriously doubt it.

Selphie: Well what would you suggest.

Irvine: Just shoot the stupid rat and that ends your problem.

Rinoa: Well that's easier said then don.....(The chair starts to shake and both the chair and 

Rinoa fall just as a very big rat ran out from under a desk.)

Rinoa: AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! (Jumps up onto another desk.)

Selphie: EEWW CATCH IT ALREADY!

Quistis: I got it! (Runs after the rat but trips over Zell's foot and falls flat on her face.)

Irvine: (Shoots ate the rat but misses as it runs under another desk.) Dang it!

Zell: You missed?! How could you miss it was 3 feet in front of you!

Squall: That was the biggest, ugliest rat I've ever seen.

Selphie: I don't care how big it is I just want it dead!

((Cid and Edea walk in to see what was causing the commotion.))

Cid: What's going on in here?

Selphie: Oh hi Cid, Hi Matron!

Irvine: Well we were on a rat hunt......

Quistis: But we're not having much luck.

Cid: (laughs) So that's why I heard the shotgun.

Zell: Hey Cid want some fried rat? Put some hot sauce on it and it tastes just like chicken.

Cid: I think I'll pass Zell.

Selphie: Will you stop it with the fried rat already?!

Rinoa: Or I'm going to lose my lunch.

Edea: Why don't you just put out some rat poison and leave it at that?

Selphie: Hmmm that might be easier. (Sees the rat) THERE IT IS!!!

Irvine: (Shoots at the rat, hits it and a splat is heard as now dead rat hits the wall causing 

the blood to splatter onto the wall.) Oooookkkaaaayyyy I think that worked to 

well.

Rinoa: Oh gross.....(Runs out before she could throw up in front of everyone.)

Selphie: (Runs after Rinoa to make sure she's okay.)

Zell: Next time I'm going for the rat poison.

Squall: So who's turn is it to clean up the mess?

Quistis: Not me! I'm not touching no rat blood or guts!

Squall: Hold it! You'll chase after the rat but you won't touch a little rat blood? What is

strange about this picture?

Quistis: Oh shut up, that's more then a little rat blood!

Edea: (Laughs) I'll clean up the mess, you go find Selphie and Rinoa.

Zell: You sure Matron?

Edea: Of course, I wouldn't say that just to say it.

Cid: Well since the rat hunt is over I'll head back to my office. (Walks out.)

Squall: Irvine, Zell, Quistis lets go.

Irvine: Why? All she's doing is.....

Squall: NOW!

Irvine: Oh right I'm going.

((Quistis, Squall, Zell, and Irvine walk out and head for the Quad where Rinoa was waiting))

Rinoa: I hate rats.

Quistis: Well Edea's cleaning up the rat blood so no problem there.

Rinoa: Don't even start.

Quistis: Sorry.

Selphie: (Runs out to the Quad.) Hey guys the hot dogs are almost gone so if you want 

some you'd better go get them now before they run out.

Zell: Who needs a hot dog when I've got a fried rat!

Selphie: ZELL GIVE ME THAT RAT!!! (Tackles Zell as she tries to grab the rat.)

Zell: HEY DOWN SELPHIE DOWN! OW HEY I WAS ONLY JOKING! OW 

QUIT IT! OW!!!

((The two continue fighting while Squall, Quistis, Rinoa and Irvine watch.))

Quistis: So who wants to go grab a hotdog?

Rinoa: I do but they're not invited!

Squall: Lets go before they get us into the fight.

Irvine: I'll agree with that.

((Squall, Rinoa, Quistis, and Irvine walk off while Selphie and Zell continue fighting until they realize they'd been left.))

Zell/Selphie: WAIT FOR US!!!

((Zell and Selphie run after the group as they exit the Quad.))


	2. Beach Chaos

((The group has taken the day of to go to the beach since summer has finally started. Zell, Selphie, Rinoa and Irvine have decide to play a 2 on 2 volleyball game while Squall and Quistis watch.))

Zell: Come on hit the ball already Selphie!

Selphie: Oh shut up! It's not like you or Rinoa don't take your time!

Rinoa: Just hit the ball!

Selphie: Alright, alright sheesh! (Spikes the ball over the net in Zell's direction.)

Rinoa: GET IT ZELL!

Zell: (Hits the ball just before it hits the ground.) Your turn Rinoa!

Rinoa: I GOT IT! (Hits the ball over the net.)

((Selphie and Irvine both dive for the ball but they crash and fall right on top of each other.))

Selphie: (Glares as the ball hits the ground.) You planned that Zell didn't you!?

Irvine: Uhh Selphie?

Selphie: What?

Irvine: Would you get off me already?!

Selphie: (Notices that she's sitting on top of Irvine so she quickly stood up.) Whoops sorry.

Irvine: (Stans up off the ground.) Sheesh Selphie how much do you weigh?

Selphie: (Glares) You did NOT just say that!

Zell: Smooth move casanova.

Irvine: (Glares at Zell.) Shut up.

Squall: Why do I get the feeling that something is about to happen and Selphie is going to be the start of it?

Quistis: Because we know these guys to well.

Rinoa: Zell you'd have probably said the exact same thing if Selphie had landed on you.

Zell: Yeah but luckily I wasn't underneath Selphie's dead weight.

Rinoa: (Bites her lip to keep from laughing.)

Irvine: (Snickers.)

Squall: Oh gosh.

Quistis: Here we go again.

Selphie: ZELL YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT!!!

Zell: Uh I'd better get going now!

((Zell starts running from the group with Selphie in hot pursuit.))

Rinoa: (Clutches her sides and doubles over laughing.)

Irvine: GET HIM SELPHIE! (Starts laughing.)

((Squall and Quistis burst out laughing when, in the process of chasing Zell, Selphie tripped and fell face first into the water.))

Zell: You okay Selphie? (Tries not to laugh.)

Selphie: Yeah except for the fact that I'm soaked!

((Everyone is silent for a minute then they burst out laughing while Selphie gives them a confused look.))

Selphie: What's so funny?

Quistis: Look in you hair! (Continues laughing.)

Selphie: (Looks at her reflection in the water and plucks a wad of seaweed out of her hair.) Hahaha very Funny.

Zell: (Watches Selphie then doubles over laughing.)

Selphie: Grrrrrrrrr (Grabs the volleyball, throws it at Zell and hits him right in the face causing him to Fall into the water.)

Selphie: Now look who's wet! (Laughs)

Rinoa: You should see both of yourselves!( Doubles over laughing.)

((Zell and Selphie glare at Rinoa then glance at each other and a evil smile curved on Selphie's face as Zell held up a bucked full of sea water.))

Rinoa: (Sees Zell and Selphie staring at her.) What? Why are you guys staring at me like that? (Sees the bucket of water.) DON'T YOU DARE!!!

Quistis: Uh oh.

Squall: I know what's coming next.

Rinoa: (Starts running but shrieks as she's hit by a splash of very cold sea water.) ZELL, SELPHIE I'M GOING TO MURDUR YOU!!!

Squall: (Sweatdrop) Oh no……..

Quistis: Here they go again.

(Scene ends with Rinoa chasing Zell and Selphie while Squall, Quistis, and Irvine watch.)


	3. Lord of the Rings: Guardian Force Style!

(This is what happens when Guardian Forces have to much time on their hands and have been watching Lord of the Rings waaaay to much.)  
Shiva: (Tries to get some order going for the first scene.) HEY!! I said get in your places!  
  
Siren: Now I know what the phrase 'total chaos' means.  
  
Carbuncle: What's the first scene?  
  
Ifrit: Pay attention dummy and maybe you'd know.  
  
Alexander: When do I get to kill Sauron?  
  
Leviathan: Not until the end.  
  
Odin: Quit asking.  
  
Pandemona: Where's the food?  
  
Eden: Will you shut up about the food already!?  
  
Quetzacotl: Who started this stupid conversation?  
  
Brothers (Sacred and Minotaur.): Don't look at us!  
  
Diablos: This is getting us no where.  
  
Bahamut: HEY! EVERYONE SHUT UP AND GET IN PLACE!!!  
  
((Everyone goes silent and runs to their places.))  
  
Shiva: Hey Siren just start at "it began with blah blah blah" you know what it says.  
  
Siren: Gotcha, (Clears her throat.) it began with the forging of the great rings of power...  
  
Carbuncle: Wait wait! I thought that line was 12 rings of power!  
  
Diablos: 3+7+9 doesn't equal 12 Carbuncle.  
  
Carbuncle: Oh uhhh okay nevermind.  
  
Shiva: (Sigh) This is going to be a loooooong day.  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
((Scene I)) (Ifrit and Carbuncle are standing in front of a fire place.)  
  
Ifrit: (Reaches into the fire and pulls out a gold ring.) Alright Carbuncle, hold out your hand or paw or whatever.  
  
Carbuncle: No way! That thing's gonna burn me like heck!  
  
Ifrit: Just do it, it's cool enough that it won't burn you.  
  
Carbuncle: Alright but I'm trusting you!  
  
Ifrit: (Drops the ring in Carbuncle's paw.)  
  
Carbuncle: (Was about to say Ifrit was right until his paw started burning and he dropped the ring and began yelling.) YOU SAID THE @#$%& RING WASN'T HOT!!! YOU PROBABLY BURNED MY PAW OFF YOU &*^$# DUMMY!!!!  
  
Ifrit: (Starts laughing insanely.)  
  
Diablos: Cut and start over.  
  
(Scene ends with Ifrit laughing, Carbuncle still throwing words at Ifrit, and Siren trying to calm him down.)  
  
***************************************************************  
  
((Scene II-Entrance to Moria)) (Shiva, Diablos, Carbuncle, Pandemona, and Ifrit are standing outside the entrance, Carbuncle and Ifrit are throwing rocks into the water.)  
  
Shiva: Will you two stop?! That's getting annoying!  
  
Diablos: They must have a death wish.  
  
Pandemona: Are we going in or standing out here all day?  
  
Shiva: Well we can't exactly get in until we find a way in!  
  
Diablos: Well hurry up before some random sea monster comes looking for lunch.  
  
Ifrit: I think it would have attack by now if it was, I mean ya think us throwing rocks would have woken him up by now.  
  
Carbuncle: I agree.  
  
(Carbuncle throws another rock and they all hear a splash then a thunk.)  
  
Leviathan: OW!!! HEY THAT HIT MY WING YOU STUPID IDIOT!!!  
  
(Everyone sweatdrops seeing as Leviathan messed up.)  
  
Leviathan: whoops...I mean (Roars)  
  
Diablos: To late.  
  
Carbuncle: Cut.  
  
Shiva: ...  
  
Ifrit: Nice move Leviathan.  
  
Pandemona: Can we eat now?  
  
Everyone: SHUT UP ABOUT FOOD ALREADY!!!  
  
Pandemona: (Sweatdrop) What'd I say?!  
  
(Scene ends)  
*****************************************************************  
  
Scene III-Bridge of Khazad-dum (Everyone runs across the bridge with the Balrog in hot pursuit.)  
  
Siren: MOVE IT PEOPLE OR WE'RE GOING TO GET FRIED!!!  
  
Cerberus: We're going already!  
  
Ifrit: She's freaking out again.  
  
Diablos: Seems she's very good at freaking out.  
  
Carbuncle: Why did we agree to do this scene?  
  
Alexander: Do I get to kill Sauron yet?  
  
Everyone: NO!!!  
  
Shiva: Wait a minute! I can just freeze that Balrog thing!  
  
Eden: Shiva I would ask if you've gone insane but I think that's a worthless question.  
  
Odin: I'm not sure I want to know.  
  
Leviathan: You idiot you can't freeze that thing!  
  
Shiva: Says who? I can try!  
  
(Balrog enters, sees the group and roars.)  
  
Siren: (Screams and faints.)  
  
Leviathan: (Sweatdrop) I just knew that would happen.  
  
Cerberus: Time to put myself to good use. (Puts Siren on his back.)  
  
Bahamut: Shut up and get moving!  
  
Ifrit: MOVE IT PEOPLE!!!  
  
Pandemona: Is there any food outside?  
  
Carbuncle: (Whacks Pandemona.) WILL YOU STOP IT WITH THE FOOD!!!  
  
(Balrog sees the group, goes after them but Shiva's in his way.)  
  
Balrog: (Roars)  
  
Shiva: Oh is that suppose to scare me? Nice try, DIAMOND DUST!  
  
(The ice attack freezes the Balrog and part of the bridge.)  
  
Shiva: Hey it worked! (Bridge starts breaking.) oh spork...  
  
(Bridge breaks causing the Balrog, and Shiva, to fall into the darkness below.)  
  
Everyone: SHIVA!!!!!  
  
Shiva: Next time I'm calling Diablos.  
  
(Scene ends)  
  
**************************************************************  
  
Shiva: Why'd I ever agree to do this?  
  
Sacred: Hey it was Bahamut's idea!  
  
Minotaur: So don't blame us!  
  
Bahamut: Why did I even bother?  
  
Diablos: Well it was a good idea.  
  
Quetzacotl: Just don't tell our human partners about this.  
  
Cerberus: They'd never let us live this down!  
  
Carbuncle: Don't I know it.  
  
Siren: (Wakes up) Huh? What'd I miss?  
  
Eden: Nothing Siren, completely nothing.  
  
Odine: This has proved to be the strangest thing we have ever done.  
  
Alexander: Can I kill Sauron now?  
  
Pandemona: Where's the food?  
  
Everyone: WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!!! 


End file.
